January 15, 2019 | Child Custody

Family law, specifically custody actions, are unique in the fact that they involve the most precious things in our lives: our children, and how and where they will be raised.  It is exceedingly common for typically rational people to find it hard to be practical and think straight during these custody actions. This is understandable.  The uncertainty as well as the stakes can cause panic in even the most stoic and even keeled parents.

If we acknowledge that fact, it becomes easy to see that this type of thought process, however well-intentioned, does not lend itself to problem solving.  This is why you choose a lawyer to represent you in these actions. Below are a few tips to keep in mind when you are going through a custody action.

1. Listen to your lawyer. As noted above, it is exceedingly uncommon for a parent to be able to see a forest for the trees when the custody of their child is at stake.  You have hired a lawyer to think clearly as well as planning for the long term precisely to help with these issues.  You may not always agree (nor do you have to follow their advice) but when a lawyer is recommending you do something or examine a particular problem in a different light, there is likely a very good reason for it.
2. Always keep in mind that you are a parent.  While this may seem self-evident, the point of this tip is to draw attention to the fact that the opposing party is also a parent.  A court is going to appreciate parents who recognize that effective co-parenting (a paramount goal in family law) stems from perspective and treating the other side with dignity even though you may not agree or get along.  It will be very refreshing to a judge if you can come to them with clean hands.  This means setting aside any unnecessary drama, and asking the judge to simply solve a problem that you have tried in good faith to resolve with your former partner or spouse.  Nothing is worse for your case than to draw attention away from the children at issue so that you can re-litigate old grievances with an ex-partner.  Attempting to effectively co-parent means compromise, treating one another with respect, especially in front of the child or children, and refraining from vexatious litigation.  Which leads to the third and final tip.
3. Pick your battles. Your ex-spouse or partner is going to be in your life until the children are 19. That fact is virtually unavoidable.  It is very prudent to avoid poisoning that well by filing a lawsuit every time you have a grievance.  Many issues that could easily be resolved with relative amicability turn contentious far too early and often which costs both parties an awful lot of money, and usually leaves both parties dissatisfied.  Set a healthy and productive tone early with your child and custody actions, to the extent that it is possible, and it will not go unnoticed by the judge when it is time to actually bring an action to court.