August 16, 2019 | Child Custody, Family Law

Note – This is the first of a three part series on litigation stress that is specific to family law…

While personal injury and workers’ compensation cases can be incredibly taxing on the injured party, family law usually offers a unique set of stressors.  There are innumerable individual stressors, but they can generally be broken down into 3 categories: 1) the emotional baggage that stems from whatever caused the romantic relationship between the parties to break down; 2) financial stress with cost of litigation and worries about receiving or paying alimony/child support; and 3) child custody issues.

Number three is, unpredictably, usually the most important issue to the parties.  There is very little that can be done to make a divorce or custody action easier on the parties emotionally. But there are some ways to help you adjust and come to grips with the realities of a custody action.

First, the breakdown of a romantic relationship that involves a child will very likely result in the parties splitting parenting time.  Unless your partner is dreadfully unfit to parent your child, they are going to get some parenting time.

The courts have increasingly moved towards 50/50 physical custody absent some compelling reason that one party should have less parenting time.  That does not mean you should not fight for more custody if there is a genuine issue of fitness, or if your partner’s work schedule wouldn’t be able to tolerate having the child 50% of the time. But the knowledge that your partner is very likely going to receive parenting time (and that it will likely be substantial) should color how you approach litigation.  It can help you reach an amicable settlement earlier in the case which saves you money and spares you the emotional strife of protracted litigation.  It almost never helps to throw stones at your partner’s character, unless that element of their character materially affects their ability to parent your child.

The overarching concern for the Court in custody cases that do not involve unfit parents is: what is best for the child, and how can the Court get the parties together to effectively co-parent until the child reaches majority?  Effective co-parenting means respecting your partner as a parent.  It is entirely understandable to the Court, and to the attorneys that the parties do not like one another. The Court does not expect you to be a robot.  The relationship broke down for a reason.  What the Court does not like to see is the romantic discord (and baggage) begin to affect the child. This can come in the form of disparaging the other parent to the child, involuntarily involving children of a tender age (14 or younger, as a general rule) in the litigation, or simply arguing in front of the child.

Judges like to use the phrase “business like manner” when it comes to talking with your former partner about parenting your child, and it goes a long way with the judges if you are respectful of your partner, especially if your partner is being unreasonable or aggressive.  Keeping all of these things in mind during your litigation should reduce your stress, because you will know that if you do have to go in front of the Judge to try a custody issue that you have done what you are supposed to do.

The most important aspect of managing your stress in litigation is knowing how to pick your battles.  A good attorney will advise you on which battles are worth fighting and manage your expectations. The ultimate goal in any custody case that does not involve an unfit parent is to create a parenting plan that will minimize conflict, and create healthy parenting time for both parties.

High & Younes provides free consultations.   (402) 933-3345